Truth to Ourselves

I heard from an ex-boyfriend tonight in an instant message, and many ready-for-resolution feelings are swirling inside of me as a result. I am angry at him -- people like him don't deserve everything they want over good people like me. I am sad -- I wanted things to be different for us, though I always knew they wouldn't be. And I'm frustrated -- he's WRONG about everything! Everything! How dare he be out there in the world pretending he's happy and well adjusted when I know better, when I know he'll make other women who want what's NORMAL and HEALTHY fall for him and let them believe that he *might* find them worthy of having it with him?

Oh, but I can't blame him. Not really. He's manipulative, he's warped, and he's devastatingly handsome. I always knew that. And I committed the same mistake with him that I did with my ex-husband. I thought that both men would see my sincerity, see my worthiness, and rise above their male fallibility and be the men I wanted, needed, and pretty much expected them to be. The men I believed they could be.

The first lesson in Relationships 101: People are who they are, and they do not change. Well, more pointedly, they can change in very rare, very special circumstances and only when it comes from their own initiative, their own inner motivation. Not unless. And nobody can graft her initiative onto them, however much "he'd be perfect, only if...." If he's perfect, there is no "only if."

The first lesson from the happy hour following the first lesson of Relationships 101: Any and all significant others, once they become "ex," need to suffer unstinting pain and anguish from bad bad things happening to them to learn the error of their ways, never daring to be happy in the weeks, months, or years to follow the end of the relationship. YOU are the only one who deserves good things and happiness, he (or she) does not... and he (or she) must regret eternally his (or her) stupidity in letting you get away.

Yes.

Absolutely!

That's my perspective!

And that's why that dork shouldn't ever talk to me ever again.